Christmas with a child on the autistic spectrum - is it difficult or easy? We made it easy, which was difficult! Well not so much difficult, just lots of planning, lots of logistics and realising that the traditional Christmas Day that people usually have with turkey, sprouts, perfect roast potatoes in duck fat and things like that are not important for a perfect day in our house.
Where we struggled - the week before Christmas Reuben was off school and out of routine. He enjoys being at home but needs a few days to get used to being not at school again. All in all he coped well - except for times when he encountered other adults in shops or out places - the reason why? I've only just realised that it is in-built into every stranger we encounter that they have to approach children and ask if Father Christmas is coming. Christmas is a time of anxiety for Reuben, big trees, flashing lights, new things everywhere, they all set off his panic attacks and the concept of Father Christmas is bewildering to not only Reuben but many children who have ASD. Thinking about a man in red suit, big beard, falling down chimney bringing new presents, it's really confusing for an autistic child to understand. We had many anxious times, Reuben shouting in bewilderment at people who asked him questions, trying to run out of places because strangers had asked him about Santa and him kicking and punching out because he simply couldn't understand about Father Christmas. I really wanted to stop people from talking to us in queues or at the park who felt it necessary to ask the children whether Santa was on his way before meltdowns started and had to create many diversion tactics and anticipate conversations before they started.
We asked ourselves whether the Christmas 'traditions' were really important - big dinner in the middle of the day, sprouts, Christmas tree etc and we decided that most of them weren't and we had simple turkey sandwiches for lunch, sausages and mash for tea and everyone was happy, no-one was being forced to eat sprouts out of tradition! Also - less time cooking meant more time enjoying playing games with the children, watching Christmas television together and enjoying time with Kuiper our puppy which for me made Christmas really lovely, no pressure to spend all day cooking and it was really nice not to have to do that Christmas food shop!
The week before Christmas we invited our friends and family to visit to enjoy their company and exchange gifts which we opened on each day. This worked well for many reasons, family had the opportunity to see the children open their gifts and they were played with when they were opened. In previous years opening all the presents at once in one day on Christmas day has led to confusion - who bought this and that, big pile of presents and only one thing being played with, usually for Reuben the thing being played with was an existing toy he already owned as the pile of new things was too much and overloaded him causing him to panic and withdraw to something familiar. So with careful planning we spaced out visits and he enjoyed opening presents on each day. By Christmas day he was familiar with presents, pulling Christmas crackers and the sights and sounds of Christmas.
Reuben only asked for 2 new things for Christmas, 2 trains called Connor and Caitlin and he was very happy to receive them, they are still his favourite presents like last year he asked for 2 trains too. He also asked that we wrap up all his existing trains which he already owns so he could unwrap them which we thought was a brilliant idea and every time he opened a present which was new (satisfying our own parental need to give him things even though they were superfluous to need) he also opened a train alongside the new present so that he had something familiar, really it was just trains he wanted to open - a lesson learned for his birthday in a few weeks, trains it is! We had a few people ask if our Christmas was spoiled because we didn't have all of our presents on Christmas day and I say no - it made it better!
Reuben relies on his routine and finds change difficult to understand. He uses a calendar with dates and times, and knows when things are happening. When something is going to happen which is new and out of routine we have to use social stories to explain to Reuben what will happen, otherwise he can't understand - simply by telling him verbally isn't enough. Reuben understands by visually seeing the words and pictures and can cope better once he has seen the order of events written out. These are really crucial for us and help in lots of situations. We are fortunate to have friends at church who are understanding of autism and additional needs who use visual prompts and cards with the children's work and provide sensory toys and resources for children like Reuben who have difficulty becoming overwhelmed in certain environments and situations. Reuben's TA also makes these social stories for us and they work so well.
The only slight wobble on Christmas Day was going to the Church Service in the morning. As Christians we attend church every Sunday but this was a Friday and although it was in the social story that we were going to church it was not like a Sunday Service and there were lots of people saying funny things like 'Happy Christmas!'. There was no children's group which Reuben enjoys, but because the Church we attend recognises the importance of continuity for children like Reuben, the additional needs resources were set up for them and we really appreciated the effort it took from James and Sarah to get up early on Christmas morning to set everything up and then pack it away again after so that we felt that we could attend and bring Reuben out of his routine.
Even with the social story and the resources and doing everything we could to prepare him, Reuben still experienced an anxiety attack and to calm him we wrapped him in a specially made weighted blanket which gives him pressure on his muscles easing the symptoms of the anxiety and covered him with a foil blanket crunching the material against him which he finds soothing (he had also taken off his clothes which he does when he is very stressed so has little on underneath the blankets!) By covering his head, his ears and sometimes his eyes and swaddling him in blankets he calms down and the panic attack subsides.
Reuben is enjoying having Kuiper in the house, Reuben often climbs into his bed for a snuggle, I think we will need to get a bigger basket so that they can both fit!
We hope you had a lovely Friday too! :)
It's incredible hearing about your Christmas and seeing the world through Reuben's eyes. Thankyou for sharing his insights with us xx
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