At Christmas Reuben received a present of a 'grow your own grass head' - a fab idea but one day before it had even been watered and started to grow it disappeared! Later Reuben told me he had put it in the washing machine and it had gone through 2 wash cycles with detergent! I took it out of the washing machine and it was a funny shape, one ear was missing and I thought it would never grow or do what it should after what it's been through so I was about to throw it away.. but then I thought I'll just try and give it a go, there's no harm in trying to grow the grass and we'll see what happens. I gave it water, placed it in the kitchen and kept watering it when it needed. I wasn't hopeful but then this happened!
There is grass growing out of the pirate's nose, his ear and all over the place where it shouldn't be instead of growing from just the top of his head, there are bits missing and it's quite funny looking as the seeds had dispersed through the net while it had been in the washing machine instead of just being at the top, but it's really healthy grass and I think it looks really unique and I like it! I prefer it this way as it's interesting :) It reminded me of Reuben's autism in a way, it's part of who he is and although Reuben might have bits of him that are a bit jumbled up like the grass seeds and different to the other children his age he's unique and I love that about him!
It's easy though to fall into the trap of taking the lazy route where autism is concerned and not trying things because it's the easy option, and not wanting to put a little more effort in because it's challenging - and like the grass head it would have been really easy to just not be too bothered about letting it grow to develop the potential it had but I gave it a chance and it completely surprised me by the results and it was better than I anticipated.
What I'm leading to here is this story about Reuben and water. Last year Reuben had a real phobia of swimming pools, they triggered his anxiety attacks, he wouldn't go near the water or touch it, he completely had a full on meltdown where pools were concerned. When Reuben started year 1 at school we knew they would be going swimming every Wednesday and I had met with the head teacher and we thought it would be a good idea that Reuben stayed at home instead of going swimming as he had so much anxiety where the pool was concerned - the lazy option! Reuben's fantastic TA though said no! She said he was to go with the class on the coach the first week and experience the coach ride to the pool with the class and they would sit in the café while the class went swimming, read books and travel back with the class. He could experience the smells and the sounds of the pool from a safe distance and enjoy being with his class. I was told the goal would be to have him in the pool swimming by Christmas and I thought there is absolutely no way this is going to happen! After a couple of weeks of sitting in the café exclusively he was introduced to a quick walk along the poolside watching the class for a couple of minutes after some time in the café, the weeks after it was him touching the water with his hand, putting a watering can in, then a few more weeks and he had his feet in, then his legs and one week he got changed into trunks and gone to his tummy in the small pool, the following week up to his shoulders with armbands and then last week he was in the same pool with the other children - what progress!! I was ready to take the easy option and keep him home and he would never have had the enjoyment and experience of swimming with his friends but with patience and giving him the opportunity and the chance he has done really well! It was a big wake up to me that he can do things and we shouldn't just say 'oh he's got autism so he can't' as an excuse not to even try sometimes because it might be hard work, he deserves the opportunity. We rely on other people to tell us things like that because naturally we want to protect him and keep him safe but we have learned to listen to people and take their advice, as parents we just muddle through and we don't know what we're supposed to be doing really, just doing our best so we try and listen to people who know more about autism than us, it's difficult sometimes and we have to swallow a bit of pride every now and then and be willing to adapt when we need to change something! Similarly, in reception class we did take the easy route with the nativity and Reuben didn't take part but this year with the support of the staff, Reuben took part and stood at the front with his class as they sung a song, I would have kept him away from doing the nativity again this year had the TA not ask that he give it a go with her support and it wasn't easy it took time but he did it!
Happy 6th Birthday Reuben! Here he was this morning playing with some of his presents
And some photos of Reuben with Kuiper :)
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